Today we will be looking at Property Sex’s “Landlord Role Play” starring Angela White. It tells the story of a sex addict who can’t tell the difference between her landlord and a Tinder date who looks nothing like her landlord. We’ve probably gone too heavy on the addiction theme this week.
Chuck is Angela’s landlord. He is here to evict Angela for no other reason than she’s loud and has had a number of overnight guests. A series of unfortunate events happen that lead to this insane premise:
- Chuck, a doofus, decides to visit Angela to tell her she’s evicted.
- Still a doofus, he brings a camera. Apparently for legal purposes.
- Angela is expecting a Tinder date and doesn’t recognize her own landlord.
- Angela is also a bit of a freak. So she thinks this is filmed role-play.
- As a part of the role-play, Angela offers sex in exchange for not paying rent.
- Chuck, continuing to be a doofus, stops none of this.
- Angela finally recognizes him, but still wants sex anyway.
- Having officially forgotten to pay his brain bill, he films it all.
Did you follow that? Good. Because the scene plays out as batshit as it sounds. Here are 14 observations from my viewing:
1. We all know Tinder is for fucking. We all know everyone chooses the best profile photo they have, and it’s probably from five years ago. But Christ on a saltine, never invite the date to your place. Meet at a neutral site, then decide if you want to move forward with sad sex.
2. I’m calling bullshit on Chuck bringing a camera for “legal purposes.” You know what’s a good decision to make for “legal purposes?” Saving documentation! There is a reason why landlords type letters and want things from their tenants in writing.
3. Why would Angela automatically assume that announcing oneself as the landlord must be role-playing? Is that how quickly things escalate on a Tinder date? I’m John, a pleasure to meet you … now go to detention for being naughty.
4. Nope, evicting someone for being loud and fucking doesn’t hold up. Evicting someone for being “so loud” is tough because defining what a reasonable person thinks is loud is subjective.
And evicting someone for having a lot of sex sounds like some form of violation. There are rules against having too many overnight visitors or tenants who aren’t on the lease. But I’m guessing Angela’s visitors don’t stay overnight.
5. Chuck mentions the police have been called three times in the past week. That sounds like jealousy. That’s as much a waste of police time as calling because a black person is busy living while black. There are four valid reasons for calling the cops on your neighbor: fighting, child abuse, drug activity or owning a tiger.
6. Chuck allowing Angela to pull his hand to spank her is some weak sauce. And a classic guy move, at that. He can claim it wasn’t intentional and that Angela literally forced his hand. Disregard he is more than capable of pulling his hand away. He was looking for a way to excuse his behavior, and he found it. Trash.
7. Also, he never takes a moment to realize all of this is being filmed. Like bruh, you just filmed yourself spanking the woman four times and saying “that was pretty cool.” You seriously think you can send this to a lawyer?
8. There is no such thing as a “pussy trap.” Same way there is no such thing as a “friend zone.” You chose to be her friend. You also chose to act pitiful and helpless rather than take some accountability for fucking.
9. The minutes after Angela recognizes Chuck is her landlord are mind-numbing. Before you can consider that he was about to let Angela suck his dick, she tries to claim she’s not responsible for the noise complaints. He retorts it can’t be the old people next door or the Christian couple because “they’re probably still virgins.”
You know what? Fuck off! The elderly bone all the time. And the fact they’re a Christian couple means either a) they are married and having fucking too much, or b) unmarried and trying to bend the rules on “virginity.” Christians are sinners, too.
10. How is he going to threaten to evict Angela even after she offers to fuck his trash ass anyway? This sharp-as-a-donut motherfucker thinks he’s king dick. You really think Angela White, ANGELA F’N WHITE, is going to ride you for nothing? The fuck outta here.
11. Let this be a lesson for guys who take pride in the fact that they love eating pussy: you should also bring some dick. And you know the type of dude I’m talking about. Pussy eating is all he talks about because eating pussy is all he can do when confidence in his dick game is greatly lacking.
12. I mean, it goes without saying, but Chuck is in a shit ton of trouble and Angela knows it. She’s about to have free rent for the rest of her lease. And it’s not like missing rent payments was her issue.
13. I swear this man is too dumb to pull his head in before he shuts the window. He successfully abused his power, was gifted pussy and severely out-kicked his coverage. Rather than be in the moment and enjoy Angela’s mouth and pussy, he’s too busy fumbling with the camera. Gawd, I hate porn sometimes.