Today we look at Lena Paul in “Buttsex Next to Bubby” from Brazzers. Lena hires rent-a-boyfriend Xander Corvus to try and impress her visiting grandmother. After eating sandwiches, Lena and Xander have anal sex. Food makes us do crazy things.
Get a membership at Brazzers (Link) to download the full video and view a brief trailer.
I know Brazzers is trying to make Lena Paul look sexy and all, but that skirt is inappropriate for talking with grandma. I’m always covered up anytime I talk to family.
When my cousin had a kid, I got to avoid this conversation with my grandmother. And yes, all the surrounding grandparents talk to each other about this. We brag about jobs, income, and material things. Grandmas brag about how busy their grandkids are getting.
In case you forgot you’re watching a porn scene, here’s an upskirt shot of Lena Paul.
Did Ask Jeeves and Google’s third cousin make a baby?
I was about to call bullshit until I realized you can rent a girlfriend online. GFRental touts itself as the world’s first girlfriend for hire service with benefits more significant than, you know, a real girlfriend. And yes, you better believe I am going to use this service in December and report my findings.
Also, Brazzers tries to show it’s viewers that even hot girls can be lonely. Which is true. Just because a girl looks like Lena Paul doesn’t necessarily mean she is taken. But a girl who looks like Lena Paul could just as quickly call a friend. Or neighbor. Or someone at a bar.
This moment of the two meeting is cute and all, but shouldn’t Lena and Xander be going over facts about one another? When grandma starts asking questions, they better make sure they have their information straight.
Oh yeah, this is going to be one hell of a threesome. Wait–
If you know anything about grandmas, it’s that making their grandchildren food is their mission in life. My grandma would be working in her garden any time I visited. Within 10 minutes of walking through the door, she would have a three-course meal and hot tea ready to go.
Sandwiches? I think sandwiches are the laziest food for anyone to look forward to, and yet every office in America loves them some fucking Jimmy John’s. Fuck Jimmy John’s with a Hulk fist, and fuck Lena’s grandma.
I see someone took a soft gel Cialis before arriving. Why else would Xander be erect at this moment? Fucking sandwiches, man.
Just say you met online. It’s technically a true statement, and no one would bat an eye at that response. Lies are too difficult to remember. I once dated a stripper. When my best friend’s mom asked how we met, my girlfriend said we met at a club. I wasn’t one for clubbing back them. Everyone knew that the girl was lying.
God hates you. Or God doesn’t listen to your prayers. Or God has a terrible sense of humor. Or maybe Xander is sweet, he’s just a bit of a freak as well. Which is possible.
Sticking your finger in Lena’s holes while she’s trying to pick up dropped food is called sexual assault. Textbook. Also, I’m pretty sure this puts the boyfriend-for-hire service in hot legal water.
Can we talk about this house? I’m so tired of every home in a porn scene being lavish. Unless Lena’s parents are wealthy and passed this house down to her, there is no way she lives here.
Here’s a tip, Lena: try not to be too loud. Grandma may very well be hard of hearing, but everyone knows the sound of dick-sucking lips.
Word? Anal? You two are gross. I don’t know if I’m more ashamed of Lena for letting a stranger raw dog her in the ass, or fascinated by Xander for even thinking this is something we can do.
Also, Lena never cleaned the sandwich up off the floor. I know I’m a bit of a clean freak, but seriously, the sooner you can clean up food, the better. Seeing as how Xander is getting pussy payments–I’m sorry, ass payments–along with tangible cash, the least he can do is offer a little maid service.
Cute, but how does grandma know Lena is doing anal? Was she watching this whole team? I feel like this should result in a series where grandma is desperately trying to get Lena knocked up.
I remember an episode of Maury Povich where a woman was trying to figure out who is the father of his child. Problem is, she thought she got pregnant during a gangbang. The first thing I said was, “Maury can get at least four additional episodes out of this.” The second thing I said was, “Yo, that girl is filthy.”