Dana Dearmond deals with massive loads of cum and wet clothing

Today we’re watching PervMom’s “Massive Loads of Cum” featuring Dana Dearmond. What’s the better way to handle spilt water on your skirt: pat it with a towel, or just remove it and walk around butt-ass naked? Dana would say the latter.

For reasons lacking context, Dana is cooking in business attire that probably makes the other women at work jealous. Naturally, her stepson Tony intentionally spills water on her backside. I don’t know what his gameplan is. Spilt water shouldn’t lead to sex. Spilt milk, maybe. It’s 83% possible he’s just being a dingbat for the sake of being one. But since we know this leads to sex, let’s go ahead make five predictions (spoiler, I went 3-for-5 on these):

  • He will be a creep and watch her undress
  • She will be okay with him seeing her ass
  • He will annoy her until she relents to sex
  • She will say “just this one time”
  • A lot of camera work will center on her butt

Tony apologizes, and Dana comments that she doesn’t have time to change. Okay, so now I’m guessing she’s cooking BEFORE work and is in a hurry. That is fair and reasonable. What is not reasonable is Dana suddenly pulling her skirt down and exposing her bare ass.

To Tony’s credit, he seems as taken aback as we are. If I accidentally spill water on someone, they will either wipe the water off with a towel or go somewhere private in case clothing needs to be removed. From the looks of things, this is either a one-level apartment or a multi-level house with a guest bathroom. Removing her skirt in private shouldn’t require much of a walk.

As Dana sets her skirt on the table, Tony asks if she will still cook his clam chowder. So … he’s a man-child, no? Seriously, you’re not eight. Fix your own damn soup. I bet Dana would have more time to change if her stepson possessed a basic adult skill like putting liquid in a pot and turning the stove on. Same time, he’s fucking Dana Dearmond and I’m typing about it. So what do I know?

We spend an inordinate amount of time getting closeups of Dana’s ass as Tony shows he never learned how to whisper. He softly, yet audibly says, “I can’t take this no more, she’s so hot.

One, we’re either hearing Tony’s inside thoughts or should pretend Dana doesn’t have ears. Two, if this camera is supposed to capture Tony’s line of vision, this means he got out of his chair and knelt down so close to Dana’s cakes that he might as well bury his face in them. And yes, that’s a lot of cake. Camera logic be damned, I’ll never not notice.

As Dana continues to Winnie the Pooh her search for clam chowder, Tony decides now is a good time to go shirtless, unzip his pants, and slap his penis on Dana’s ass like it’s batting practice. Only after he sat the camera down, of course. Dana asks “what are you doing?” and “are you horny, again?” in a tone that suggests she’s so over Tony and his dick-revealing bullshit.

Now, I’ll admit when I’m wrong. I’ve watched so much stupidity in porn, that I’m always expecting the dumbest forms of storytelling. So it didn’t hit me that the two characters already have a sexual relationship and this is merely another Tuesday morning for them. It’s the only logical explanation for Dana responding with, “Make it quick. I have to go to this meeting.”

Sad thing is, I was originally going to type something along the lines of “he whips out his mediocre dick.” Truthfully, that’s mean and unnecessary. I’m learning not to say insulting things for my own entertainment. However, for Dana to say “make it quick” suggests SHE doesn’t think that much of his dick.

It’s like she has resigned herself to the inevitability. He’s going to insert his penis regardless, so she might as well roll with it as she looks for clam chowder. It’s like legalizing weed. The government can’t stop you from smoking, but at least this way, you’re smoking on THEIR terms.

Tony takes the action to the bedroom. Surprising considering Dana apparently didn’t have time to change her clothes, but she has time to remove all of her clothes and have sex. Now she’s really going to be late for that meeting. Unless she has some WAP, rolling around in the bed feels like the opposite of making things quick.

Tony seems excited, saying “I finally have you in my room.” So have they only been fucking in places that are not Tony’s bedroom? It sounds like they’ve been sneaking around the father for so long that Tony just appreciates the convenience of fucking in his own bed.

Also, Dana made it sound like Tony’s dick isn’t all that and a bag of chips. And maybe it isn’t, but it can’t be that bad if she’s willing to risk being late to a meeting over said dick. Maybe she found the power of positivity and realized morning sex is good under any circumstances, even if we’re not truly pining for it.

This will probably be the view until Tony cums (which better be quick if he wants that clam chowder or for his stepmom to have a job). Considering how much ass Dana has—I don’t remember it being this round—that seems like a good call.

One thing of note: at some point Dana is riding Tony and remarks, “do you want to work or just lay back and I’ll do everything for you?” That is so cold and passive aggressive. She might as well called him a “little bitch” or something. Even while giving Tony the pussy HE pushed for, she had to take a shot at him. Respect.

As we sign off, remember to support your porn people. You can support Dana Dearmond aka The Internet’s Girlfriend on OnlyFans and follow her on Twitter. She hates it when people she hates text her. You can also download this scene without my rambling commentary on PervMom. Have a good night, and drive home safely.

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