Naomi Swann offers a personal thank you and the gift of sex

Today we’re watching “A Personal Thank You” from Property Sex, featuring Naomi Swann.

Naomi Swann needs to thank her client for buying a new home. Apparently, doing the basics of her job has helped get her a corner office, or something. Naomi gets a bit overzealous, though, and gives her client the gift of pussy.

Naomi Swann's client enjoys his new home
“I’m so glad I got this spot,” he said to no one but himself.

We open with a guy literally being Affirmation Girl. Fun fact: I’ve never seen the full video until now, and the fact I’m watching due to giving commentary on porn is awkward as all hell. I hate all things cute, but the video is adorable.

Thing is, I kept expecting her to fall off the bathroom counter. I’m at the age where I see children being children, and all I think about is how many bones they could break because they’re not being closely supervised.

Anyway, porn guy is narrating his thoughts as he looks over his pool and unfinished home. “This is so sweet back here, so relaxing. I’m so glad I got this spot.” Dude, I’m sure all of those things are true. Congrats on being a home owner. But no one talks like this. Is “so” the word of the day? Who are you talking to?!

I take everything back: he’s not Affirmation Girl. A child being aggressively positive in front of a mirror is more natural than a guy loudly boasting to himself about how awesome his house purchase is. This dude is Rod from Birdemic: Shock and Terror, and I can’t believe porn is causing me to make that reference.

Naomi Swann arrives poolside to speak with her client

Naomi shows up unannounced to see if Chuck (porn guy’s name) likes his new home. Chuck legit doesn’t see her coming. She used the space stone without making a peep.

Serious question: is this normal? I didn’t grow up in neighborhoods where people show up unexpectedly or pass through gates without asking for permission first. I used to think this was white people behavior, but now I’m considering the possibility that people really do this.

In the world that is The Sims 4, my sim is expected to open the door to random-ass strangers, and non-strangers are allowed to just walk into my home because the door is always unlocked. Maybe that is the illustration of peak safety (or ignorance) in America: no need to lock anything because anyone skipping around that neighborhood can’t be bad.

Naomi could’ve done the normal thing and made a phone call or mailed a box of candy. Then again, if Naomi did the normal thing, how would we have a porn video? No need to let story logic get in the way of watching adults fuck.

Naomi Woods lets her client know she wants to personally thank him
Wait, you got a promotion because Chuck bought the house? Bullshit.

Chuck does indeed like the home and plans on building a game room. What a nerd. “I’m building a game room” isn’t cool enough to net some pussy. But years of working as a software developer, being financially stable, and saving enough to buy an admittedly nice home will (apparently) net Naomi’s pussy.

Naomi mentions she’s here to “personally” thank Chuck for buying the house. Thanks to Chuck, she got a promotion. Let me get this straight—this bitch has been working for her company for one year and finessed her way into a VP role because she sold this particular home? This isn’t even stupid enough to be hilarious. Let’s imagine no one was able to sell this house. Does she deserve credit for pulling off what others couldn’t? Absolutely. Does she deserve a window office? Fuck no.

I swear, folks be moving up in life for doing normal shit. NFL quarterback Brock Osweiler got a $72 million contract for being below average across eight games. After three more years of play ranging from bad to worse, he was out of the league. This man had a seven-year career based on being tall and conventionally good-looking. This is Naomi’s future.

Cute Naomi Swann flirts with her client

Chuck, an idiot, questions why Naomi is being overly appreciative. She reiterates that she wants to give Chuck a “personal” thanks. There’s that word, again. Then Naomi turns her swag on, sways her shoulders, and does that look girls do to show they’re interested.

This is universal body language for a) shit going down right now, or b) shit going down within two more steps. Chuck, who again is an idiot, will most likely not notice any of the signs and continue to be modest. Porn—which this video is—will activate Naomi to force the issue and simply grab Chuck’s crotch. Because even if a man is clueless, as long as he buys a house, a blowjob will come with it.

Naomi Swann's client gives her a high-five for getting a VP role

Chuck, who upon review is still an idiot, isn’t getting the obvious signs. He even offers Naomi a high-five for getting the VP job. I had to pause at this point to laugh in a mix of embarrassment and hysteria over my fellow man. I actively know this story isn’t built to make sense, and I’m still watching like a wingman trying to help his buddy pull at a party.

Naomi now has to pull out the buzzword “special”, as in “I just wanted to come over and give you something special.” Chuck asks if the “something special” is a cake. At this point, I died. My spirit is typing the rest of this.

I mean, Naomi did bring some cake. It just isn’t a cake Chuck can eat. Actually—technically, he could eat it. It’s a cake without icing, though I wouldn’t doubt this video will end with Chuck icing her cake with—Fuck, this is dumb! The semantics of this is stupid! I’m twisting my own brain in a knot. I hate porn.

Naomi Swann grabs her client's crotch

Told you. That’s how it works. “Personal” yada, yada. “Special” yada, yada. Throw all the signs. Is it a cake? Are you walking my dog? Dick grab. Chuck wins! It’s that easy! But wait—Chuck asks “are you serious?” because he’s either dense in the head, has sex every six years, or believes this is a setup.

Naomi Swann stares directly into the camera
She got that ambition, baby. Look in her eyes.

So as Naomi is staring dead into the camera, I’m realizing she isn’t speaking to Chuck. She is speaking to the viewer. Let’s break this down in three quotes and what they mean in a man’s fantasy:

  • I just can’t help it: For men who struggle to form (healthy) sexual relationships, the thought that women are sex-crazed and can’t control themselves offers hope. If Naomi could help herself, Chuck would have to make some effort—an impossible occurrence considering he is, as of this writing, still an idiot. But since this is a wild Naomi on the loose, all Chuck has to do is keep sitting back in his poolside lounge.
  • You’ve helped me so much: He’s such a great guy, amirite? There is nothing wrong with feeling like we should give back to those who have assisted us. But this implies that help should result in us being owed something. Chuck did an unintentionally nice thing, so Naomi should do an intentionally nice thing in exchange.
  • I just wanted to give you a really good gift: And that “nice thing” should be sex. A cake is a really good gift! I would be ecstatic if someone bought me a vanilla buttercream cake. But in the world that is a man’s sexual fantasy, the only way vanilla buttercream qualifies as a “good gift” is if it comes from Naomi’s pussy.

This hits all the checkboxes. It wouldn’t be enough for Naomi to simply be attracted to Chuck. Chuck is about to get overpaid and over-promoted in sex for doing some normal shit. It’s the ultimate fantasy and why insane logic like this works so well in porn. It’s genius. I’m just jealous I didn’t think of it first.

But never mind that shit. We have the next 33 minutes of Naomi fucking a guy, said guy being as uncool about it as possible, and me typing about it from my chair as my brain hurts. I’m the real loser in this.

Naomi Swann removes her panties to reveal her pussy
Naomi Swann quickly rides her client's dick in the bed
Naomi Swann is fucked doggy style by her client in the bed
The client gives Naomi Swann a cumshot and facial

I watched the whole thing. The good: Naomi is so damn sexy! Cute, petite, blonde, teen-like girls aren’t my jam. But I can’t front on Naomi. She’s dope and fit. The bad: how did Property Sex not have Chuck eat Naomi’s “cake”? He didn’t even ice it. It’s a shame when porn can’t pay off its own puns and sexual euphemisms.

Want to see the full scene without me interrupting? Of course you do. Grab a membership with Property Sex to download “A Personal Thank You” and other full-length scenes. They also have channels on XVideos and PornHub.

You can also support Naomi Swann by subscribing to all of her social media. We’ll see you next time. Drive home safely.

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