Today we’re watching “The Naughty List” from Moms Teach Sex, featuring Alex Blake and Cherie Deville.
I watched three random porn scenes involving Santa Claus, but this is the single most confusing step family fantasy I have ever witnessed. So now the other two scenes don’t fucking matter, and you have to put up with my nonsense as I try to piece this together.
Let’s start with the one thing I do know: Cherie Deville is in her 40s and stupid levels of hot, and her husband is dressed as Santa Claus. Let’s just start there. Good? Good.
Cherie Deville SOOO has a Santa fetish and is ready to fuck. She didn’t even bring panties for the occasion. Santa seems kind of hype about this, but not nearly hype enough. Mediocre.
Cherie clearly wants to leap over the table and ride his beard, but she’s also trying to hold back a bit to appear composed and sexy. How HE isn’t leaping over to bury his beard in Cherie’s panty-less crotch is beyond me.
But never mind that shit, because Alex Blake is here to kill the mood. Kids ruin all the fun. That has to be frustrating for parents, having to get in the mood whenever the kids are asleep, sneaking in quickies while the kids are pre-occupied. I feel like parents can’t comfortably and securely have sex. And even after the kids have moved on, the energy is gone.
Fucking kids. Speaking of, Cherie is going to fuck her kid, no? I don’t have a grip on the actual relationship between these three characters, and it really concerns me because the odds are in favor of all three fucking each other. Alex calls them “mom” and “dad,” and we typically stay away from incest. So … what gives?
Before I can even consider that, Santa has left a note promising a sexy present. It’s a dick in a box, isn’t it? If I know porn, I bet Alex reads the note instead of Cherie—the intended target—and all hell breaks loose.
Nailed it. Alex reads the letter, and for whatever reason is prepared for sexy time with Santa. She calls Santa “daddy”—which is gross, but at least clears up some confusion. This isn’t the first time Alex Blake has been caught up in a complicated and insane stepfamily web of lust, so let’s take a lesson from her previous experience.
Most likely, “daddy” is her stepfather, and they have been having sex on the side—something I don’t understand, because I would think a side piece isn’t necessary if Cherie is the main piece. Where Cherie fits into this is something that makes me uneasy, because I have to assume she gets involved. Will daughter and mother tag team the stepfather?
Jiminy Christmas! The mother is FUCKING the daughter!
My brain can’t even wrap around this. First, the man in the Santa suit isn’t the stepfather, but rather Alex’s stepbrother. Why? Who the fuck knows! Now, before we consider the most obvious plot hole imaginable, let’s tackle the ways this does make sense.
If the stepbrother left the note for Cherie, then that means Cherie is secretly fucking her husband’s son, while the husband is secretly fucking Cherie’s daughter. Granted, this is wild as all hell, but the logic checks out. If anything about this is inverted or reversed, we have incest all around.
Problem is, Cherie begins eating out Alex. And in the family tree I planted, those two are biologically related. If Cherie and Alex simply tag teamed the stepbrother without fucking each other (like the Ortega sisters), it’s disgusting as hell but better than the conclusion that a mother and daughter fuck.
So the only combination that actually makes sense of this is that Cherie married her husband and gained a stepson in the process. The couple then adopted Alex, making it where neither Cherie nor the husband is truly Alex’s parent, but she refers to them as “mom” and “dad.” Now this doesn’t explain why the stepbrother is referred to as “stepbrother” unless Alex is actually Cherie’s adopted daughter, and then Cherie married her husband.
If we’re going with the adoption route in some desperate attempt to make a gross situation okay enough to not think about, we should probably consider age requirements for people being adopted. Courtesy of the Gladney Center for Adoption:
In general, a child must be between the ages of birth to 18 years and be legally free to be adopted […] Another aspect of adoption that is lesser known is adult adoption […] While there is really no age limit on adult adoptions, these situations typically occur when the person is between the ages of 18-21.
Good? Good. I mean, it’s not good at all, but you catch your drift. Let’s break down our three possibilities and understand who is who in this relationship.
Option one is that Cherie is fucking her adopted daughter—making Cherie all types of predatory and abusive. Cherie adopted Alex before she was 18, and has either been fucking Alex for a while, or this is legitimately the first time they have had sex (maybe Cherie is hammered, or some bullshit). To be fair, Alex looks as shocked as I am.
Option two is that Cherie is fucking her adopted daughter, but Alex was adopted as an adult. This is less predatory than option one, but the big question is why would Cherie feel the need to adopt an adult just to have sex with them? That’s too many steps to go through just a lick a girl’s pussy. And it’s still gross.
Option three is that Cherie is fucking her actual daughter. So you mull on that as Cherie eats her daughter out. Try not to get hard.