Today we’re watching a scene from “Full House Vol. 2” featuring mega tit pornstar Letha Weapons. We’re travelling back in time to the big bust genre of the 90s!
If you’re thinking this is a parody of popular U.S. sitcom “Full House,” you would unfortunately be wrong. After checking out the DVD cover, the name “Full House Vol. 2” is just a poker reference.
The slogan for the DVD is “A Winning Hand for TIT Lovers!” And for those of you who don’t play poker, a full house can still lose to a four of a kind and a straight flush. But those hands don’t make for good porn titles.
We open with Letha Weapons’ bouncing, king-size, enhanced tits. They’re taking up the entire the screen. That’s solid camera work, like when the WWE uses low camera angles to make tall people look even taller.
She’s jogging in hiked up jean shorts like Jean-Claude Van Damme. That’s terrible running attire.
Jogging can’t be comfortable with tits that big, no? I doubt Nike has a sports bra to cover up a pair of 36Gs.
We’re then introduced to the guy supplying penis. We don’t know his name or story, and frankly we don’t care.
He stares at Letha’s huge tits because we all would. We would do so aggressively. The number of times we’ve seen breasts as big as Letha Weapons’ is closer to zero than one.
He stares so hard he might as well say “hello.” Instead he runs into a tree and passes out. Running into a tree is believable. Passing out after going into the tree elbow-first is some bullshit. That shouldn’t result in a concussion or whatever the hell he’s about to fake in the pursuit of pussy.
Also, what occasion requires a vest with no shirt? Now I’m kinda curious to know what his story is.
Letha Weapons stops to check on him, and her sweater cows immediately begin falling out because no shirt or blouse in this universe was made for what she’s carrying.
It does make me wonder how hard it must be for heavy-breasted women to buy clothing. I’m guessing it’s about as difficult as Julio Gomez buying shorts.
The guy asks where he is–because looking up at the sky doesn’t offer many clues–and Letha responds, “You’re here with me.” That’s as helpful as the sky. Also, your nipples are showing.
Letha covers up her massive boobs and areolas about 30 seconds too late before offering to “help you (him) feel better.”
I like a pair of monster tits just as much as anyone else. But if I’m possibly going through a concussion, please call for help. Sucking on Letha Weapons’ titty balls is probably loads of fun. But we wouldn’t know it if we’re going through confusion, dizziness, or can’t handle light or noise.
Letha Weapons tries to help him up, but he falls back down. Dude, that’s actually decent acting. He must’ve learned from Aljamain Sterling (wait, it would be the other way around). I kid, but not really.
Homeboy says he’s a little dizzy, and now I’m starting to wonder if the character really is hurt and that this isn’t a stupid ploy to get Letha to fuck him. She’s already invited him to her house and presumably her vagina, so there’s no need to lay on a fake head injury so strong.
Fuck around too much, and she might actually call 911.
Thankfully, Letha Weapons doesn’t know that number and walks him through the ugliest looking front door I’ve ever seen. Unless her home is nearby, I refuse to believe she semi-carried him to this point.
Letha tries to treat this guy herself. I’m aware her gigantic boobs will ultimately save the day, but ma’am, you really should call emergency services.
As Letha leaves to grab her not-first aid kit, wongbat Discount John Stamos gives a mischievous smile to absolutely no one. This is stupid. If this were his plan all along, there’s one obvious problem: she was already down to fuck him!
He and his all-weights-but-no-cardio body could’ve directly approached her, and she would’ve been like Hi! I’m Letha Weapons, these are fake but soft, and I want to make a non-committal dick appointment.
Faking an injury in hopes of entering her home doesn’t make him clever. It makes him inefficient. Is he really just here to rob her? I hope not because her furniture sucks.
Is it possible this was Letha’s plan all along? She jogs in non-jogging attire, accentuates her big breasts, and sees who will give her attention. If the guy is halfway to looking like Charlie Sheen, she’s down. These are the things porn makes us consider.
Anyway, Letha puts an ice pack on his head. If you’re going to insist on not calling 911, an ice pack and rest isn’t the worst idea.
Then our guy goes for a tit grab. Letha says his “hands are going a little wild.” Not that she attempts to stop him, or anything. This is galactically dumb on two levels.
One, for as sly as he’s acted thus far, this is the exact opposite. I know he’s scheming his way into her booty shorts, but don’t shoot your load so soon. Two, if she’s cool with it–and we have every reason to think she is–then drop the act and move forward to what you really want.
He pretends to have hallucinations, thinking Letha Weapons’ tits are pillows. He’s technically correct, but no, they’re not. Letha asks if he’s delirious. I’m not100% sure of what that word means, so let’s check and see.
delirious (adj): in an acutely disturbed state of mind characterized by restlessness, illusions, and incoherence; affected by delirium.
So … possibly. She’s surprisingly knowledgeable in a time before everyone had internet access—I mean, aside from not calling for medical help immediately.
He says he wants the pillows on his head, only to put her pillow buttons in his mouth. Gross. This guy has a bad tendency of saying and doing things that go in opposition to previous things he has said and done.
He also says his head is buzzing, but Letha is all but done with this charade and says it’s his other head whose spidey-sense is tingling. Bless Letha Weapons and her energy. She is a saint to put up with all this corniness in the pursuit of penis.
She removes her shirt because she isn’t paid by the hour, and he licks her nipples some more because he knows what genre of porn this is. He reminds himself, us, and the world that her tits are big. She quips that they are “made for big dick.”
Thankfully this is porn, so she shouldn’t be too disappointed. But I don’t like the subtle messaging that women with certain body types are only reachable to alpha types with above average penises. It could be true, but we don’t need the reminder. Porn creates a weird sense of body-shaming and penis envy by suggesting men need large dicks to unlock the key to every woman’s pussy.
Rando says he has one of those (a big dick, that is), and I wish Letha fired back with “PROVE IT!” Instead, she reminds him that breasts come in sets and tells him to lick the other one. She also has to remind him she has a vagina by unzipping her own shorts.
I guess he forgot or didn’t actually come here for intercourse. He’s a tit lover who found a winning hand. That’s all he wanted. Or maybe he has no condoms on him? Intercourse with strangers is a dangerous game without protection.
But never mind that shit, because if porn has taught us anything, women are up for having unprotected sex with strangers. /s
And with that, we have sex! A man injured himself because he lacks a photographic memory, and the woman he was staring at just happened to be on a horny jog. She then takes him home, allowing him to think he’s crafty when he’s really just the most readily-available dick within a kilometer.